I can remember my first Mother’s Day like it was yesterday, the joy of being a new mom and having a day set aside just for me. What I can remember even more clearly now was my first Mother’s Day as a single mom and how that felt. If I had to describe it in as few words as possible, I would describe it as being awful. My daughter was too little to know what day of the week it was, and I was too depressed, and too strapped for cash to make plans for myself. I met my own mother that day to wish her a happy Mother’s day and give her a small gift that I scrapped together and I proceeded to cry in her arms as I hugged her; telling her how much I hated the holiday as my daughter clung to my leg. She hugged me back, but she did not quit understand the pain in which engulfed my heart that day; but for that moment it was comforting to feel as if someone “saw” me. So, to all you single mamas on Mother’s Day this year; I’ve been there, I am here, I see you. You are not alone. And you are amazing.
Before I became a single mama, it didn’t occur to me how Mother’s Day could be such a sad and awkward holiday for the single mom. Without a husband, without a dad who is present, who will pamper you, encourage your children to let you sleep in, make you breakfast in bed and shower you with presents? What about the Mother’s Day brunch reservations that will never be made for you, the ones that restaurants advertise so heavily for weeks leading up to the big day? Its unfair really. Every mother deserves these things. I had no idea how much my “single-status” was going to change things, or how Mother’s Day would really highlight the changes I endured after I left my marriage. I had no idea that while I wanted the people around me to be happy; how hard it was going to be to see my married and partnered friends share on social media their Mother’s Day experiences.
And what about that other piece? My daughter. There is a part of me that feels bad for my child on Mother’s Day too. I wish she had someone to help her with the gift she dreams of giving me; and now with the absence of school, there won’t even be the beautifully crafted gift from Art class, the ceramic tile, or the self-portrait.
Maybe you feel angry, wounded, left out? Maybe you have an amazing support system like I do and love them to pieces; but at the end of the day, after the Happy Mother’s day texts stop rolling in and everyone goes about their own plans, its still all on you.
That’s the hardest part about being a single mom you see, that you never actually get a break. Other people just do not understand that, as a single parent, you never get to “turn off.” You are on, every single day; no matter what the calendar says. The fact that its Mother’s Day does not mean that you get to “take the day off” or even “relax.” You aren’t going to wake up to someone cooking breakfast for you or even your kids; so like every other day of the year you are going to get up and do it because you are a mom and hear me, you are badass.
Listen up, there is something that you need to do different this year sweet single Mama, you need to give yourself grace. Maybe that means disconnecting from social media so that you don’t get caught up in the Mother’s Day frenzy. Maybe this means pouring yourself an extra-large cup of coffee and sitting just a few minutes longer in your pajamas before you start your day. Let the people who love you, see you and shower you with attention- take a few extra hugs from your children and then steal a couple extra kisses, it is your day after all. Splurge on yourself where you can, order brunch for pick up or get wild and have it delivered (thank you COVID 19)- it is Mother’s Day after all.
If nothing else this Mother’s Day, I hope that you are listening- that you HEAR me- and believe me when I say; You are a Mama. You are beautiful. You are special. You are powerful. And you are bad ass.
Cheers!
