No one likes to talk about it, but the truth is there is no way to know when a conversation with someone will be your last. Morbid, I know. Death is so damn final and unfortunately it’s a constant throbbing reminder of the things you wish you could have said or done when you had the chance, and that can be haunting. But it could also be a reminder to do better while you have the opportunity, or at least try to. What I am trying to say is, do the things, say the words now so that you have no regrets later.

I can not say that I have no regrets, because that would be a straight out lie; I have many of them. They hover around me like bees to a honey suckle in an attempt to never let me forget; but I have just learned to channel the energy differently. I can’t help but look back on moments from long ago, those ones that I can never get back and struggle with the fact that I didn’t appreciate them all like I should have. At least some of them. I am thankful for the sounds and smells that trigger memories that allow me to travel back in time to moments in my life that helped mold me into the person I am today and those that help me keep my father so fresh in my mind even after all these years. Twenty one years ago I sat next to my father as he lay in a hospital bed and had my last conversation with him. This is one of those memories that leave me questioning If I had the chance to have one more conversation, a “do-over”, would I have behaved differently or said something else? I think about this often, but each time I start to go backwards in my head I remind myself that nothing good will come from that. I will say this. Now that I am a parent of a teenager, I value the little alone time I have with my teen. Even the time we sit in silence sitting next to each other in the living room. I like to think that my father felt this exact same way that last night together.

I now approach life differently; as if every interaction I have with the people I love is a potential memory for them. There are so many people I wish I could have one last conversation with, and this is true for those whom have passed as well as for those whom I have not spoken to in some time. I also imagine conversations I have yet to have, ones I hope to have and I realize just how much control we can have over that. The only thing we can be absolutely certain about is right this minute, this very moment we are alive and capable of making the best memories…and when I am gone, the hope is to leave people with less regrets and more with appreciation for all the conversations we did have.