After my divorce I struggled with the concept of “finding” myself. People kept telling me to take time to figure out who I was and “find” myself; and all I kept thinking was-if I haven’t found myself by 37 years old I’m screwed.
I spent several months trying to figure out where I fit in the world, in society, within my friends, and at my job now that I wasn’t a “Mrs.” I joined gyms, meet up groups, softball, ballet, PTO at my daughters elementary school and I even toyed with a career change. For that period of time I wanted to be someone else, somewhere else, doing something else; but what? I understood the concept, my friends and family wanted me to put aside the stressors of everyday life and re-think what I really wanted; but what I realized was it wasn’t about finding myself, it was about creating myself.

You are probably thinking “what the heck is this chick talking about” and “she must be hitting that bottle of Malbec again” but let me explain. When I say “creating myself”, what I mean is becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. A bad ass mom, a stellar individual, successful at my job, and an amazing friend. Finding yourself means it already exists, that you have already put the hard work in and all you need to do is look for it and once you “find” it-you will feel complete.
But the truth is, without hard work and stepping out of your comfort zone to make it happen, you will never be the person you want to be.
Divorce is a life altering event and it can throw you way off the path but since we are all here to create our own paths, you get to choose where you start and how long it takes you to get there. It is the experiences we have along the way that help us create ourselves, it is these moments that define us.
I needed to stop living my life on autopilot..I was a Jeep not a Honda and I needed to go off-roading. I didn’t lose myself in the divorce, I simply lost my desire to create. What it all boils down to is that we already know who we are, it’s about doing the things that get us to who we want to be. In the end, the person you become is a reflection of everything you endured and it’s up to you whether or not you will play a boring melodramatic opera or play a ROCK OPERA.

Cheers!